Driving the Demons Away

I got my diploma in the mail yesterday. It doesn't seem final, though. I still want to acquire another certificate yet.

I only intend to work part-time and searched for local job openings online. (I don't see them advertising in the paper and most of those jobs are interoffice-meaning you have to be already working there and apply/bid for a different job if you wanted to).

But I didn't find anything I wanted. Nothing. Nada. There are some interesting job openings in a city a half an hour away, but I gave up driving (to some people's relief, including mine). I don't relish the idea of getting a taxi driver to drive that distance (any money I earn would pay the taxi fare-kind of moot point). So there I sit. I don't live in a big city like Chicago or New York where I could take subways to commute to work. Besides that, I think it's rather scary (too much homicide-watching on TV, I guess).

I am feeling like maybe I should just find another factory job nearby where the pay sucks. The one place I know that may hire part-timers (I heard from someone that you can make your own hours and work for four or five hours a day.) That sounds good, except that I would be wasting the education I just acquired. Besides, they aren't hiring right now anyway.

This is the main reason why I am trying to get another certificate. I don't want to be put in the front office answering the dreaded ringing thing called a telephone. I could get people frustrated with me if I don't understand everything they say. Just put me in the "behind the scene" office area where I could do paperwork and filing. I really don't mind the "library" type of work. Time passes quickly.

You would think that many employers would like to hire part-timers so that they don't have to pay for so many fringe benefits (vacation, health insurance, etc.)

All I would have to say is that I am hard-of-hearing and visually-impaired and then see how fast my résumé will be thrown into a wastebasket after the interview. Someone else would be more "qualified."

There's too much maintenance with hiring people with disablities. (Wider doors and entrances, special technology for visually-impaired workers, and the continuous need for sign language interpreters for the deaf employee) That all comes out of the employer's pocket in most cases. But then, you are still a walking liability-too many "dangerous" things could happen.

I am sure that there are some good employers out there that are equal opportunity, but it just seems that they may be far and few between.

I am only half-hearted looking for jobs in the field I am studying. Maybe when I see something that looks interesting, I'll apply. It has to be local, though. Preferably within walking distance.

I am only sorry that I didn't get serious about college when I was younger. I was young and wanted to have spending money. So I worked. Then I got stuck in a factory job that paid the bills. Then I got married and had a child. Then I was a single mom taking care of a toddler. I got remarried and had another child. There was no money or time for schooling.

Maybe when the time is right...no, this is not an excuse. Then again, I really haven't worked for three years. The vision I had three years ago is not the same. I am nervous about places I haven't been to before. Yes, ironically, I am scared to get back into the workforce. I am sure that if I did start working somewhere that I would do just fine. It's just the fear of the unknown. I have wrestling matches in my head all the time.

I know that there's the Disablity Act to help those who have disablities, but I still worry. There are loopholes. If someone were more "qualified," employers don't have to hire you.

I still have some nagging self-doubts (demons of the mind). I should be more comfident and positive. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I still have some more schooling to complete so I can be more qualified to one area of work that doesn't require telephone use. Hopefully there is a job out there that would let me do what I learned to do, but it probably would have to be in a large facility so that there will be others who can take care of the phone. We'll see.