How Do You Do?

Last summer, my ex's girlfriend (let's call her Jo) picked up my daughter every other weekend for him (when he had to work late).

I am uncomfortable when I have to meet new people. What kind of impression will I make? What if I don't like her?

She usually waited in the van while my daughter would get her duffle bag and give us a hug good-bye.

One day last August, she was at the door. We talked about what time she would be back home on Sunday night.

I thought she was nice. I wasn't jealous at all. She's tall. I am 5' 9 1/2" tall. (I thought I was 5'10", but I must be shrinking...topic for another day.) She is 6'4". I kid you not.

I felt pretty good about our meeting. A few times before this meeting of sorts, she'd be talking to my husband, because he was outside doing something in the garage. She hadn't officially met me yet, though.

The weekend was over and my daughter was back home. my daughter told me that as soon as Jo backed out of the driveway, she muttered, "Is your mom always like that?"

I could just see her expression as she asked, "Like what?"

Jo explained that she had her hand out so we could shake hands, but I never shook her hand.

My daughter exclaimed, "Mom probably didn't see it!!"



People with RP/Usher Syndrome may seem snobbish or rude.

I can't see anything below my nose. So if I am newly introduced to someone, I may be looking at the face. So I won't be able to see the extended hand. I am not being rude. I just didn't see it.

Sometimes I am lucky and catch a movement or just expect a handshake coming. Sometimes a person who knows I have RP would tell me to shake the person's hand.

"Oh!" Sure I'd feel awful, mortified, or embarrassed, but it's better than appearing rude because I did not shake the other person's extended hand.

Some people have a hard time understanding RPers. How can we be visually impaired? We look like we can see. Every RPer has a different degree of loss at any given time in his or her life. My central vision is good. I have good acuity. I can read the newspaper. I can read blogs. Maybe some day I may need to magnify what I read. I hope that's a long time away yet.

My peripheral vision is lost. I do have a little vision on the far side, but there's a non-existent gap between the far side and the central vision. It's gone. It's not there. It's not a black hole. There's a void. It's like a piece of thick plastic that's impenetrable. I can't see through it. I am "blindsided," so to speak.

So don't be afraid to tell me if I don't shake your hand. Let me know. I'll laugh self-conciously. I may try to explain myself, but I am not trying to be rude.

The next time my daughter had to go to her dad's for the weekend and Jo came to pick her up, I extended my hand and we shook hands.