Legally Deaf

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When I was growing up, I used to always say that I am hard-of-hearing (HOH) or just said I didn’t hear that well or had a hearing problem. I didn’t think of myself as “deaf.” I had classmates who were deaf and I knew I could hear better than they could. To me, “deaf” meant not being able to hear a thing. Nada, zip, zilch.

I had a really good friend who was Deaf (capital D-means part of the Deaf Culture). She did ASL and the whole bit. She spoke pretty well, I thought. She did have some hearing and called herself HOH, too, but couldn't talk on the phone that well. We lost touch when she got divorced and moved. We even worked together for a few years until her divorce.

Lately, though not consistently, I just cut to the chase and say, “I’m deaf.” I can’t really hear anything in my implanted ear. And before it was implanted, I didn’t get any use out of it. I heard very few loud sounds if they were low enough, but if you talked into my pre-implanted ear, with or without my hearing aid (HA) in it, I would not hear you.

By the same token, I know that I will still be deaf in my implanted ear when I take the CI off.

With the HA in my better ear, I can hear, but I do not have good hearing with it. I am “deaf” without my HA. I wouldn’t hear you talk into my ear, but with my HA on, I would hear you and maybe get a few words, but I won’t get everything. I even amaze myself if I can get through a conversation without getting a repeat more than three times.

So, out of habit, I seem to go back and forth with “I am deaf” to “I am HOH” or “severely HOH.” I feel like I am lying if I say, “I’m deaf” even though without my HA on in my better ear, I can’t hear.anything but loud noises. It's hard to label myself as "deaf" at times.


I am going to confuse myself once my brain gets trained to hear with the CI. Am I deaf or HOH?

When I talk about my vision loss, I tell people I am legally blind or that I don't see that well or even "I have tunnel vision."

I have less than 20 degrees vision. There's a term for it: Legally blind. Seems simple enough.


So, is there a definition for “legally deaf”? It would be so much easier to explain that instead of trying to explain “severely HOH" in one ear and deaf in the other.

Invisible Disability

We were all at the dining table eating supper and somehow the topic of shopping came up.

Flare, my oldest (12 years old), is already showing signs of a sensitive but assertive personality. The kind that tells me she won't back down from a confrontation. (Unlike me, I try to avoid confrontations as much as I can. Yes, I am a wimp.)

We were talking about how people just go in all directions in the aisles. Something catches their eye and they leave their cart and walk across the aisle looking at something that either caught their eye or it was something they were looking for. Even I do that once in a while.

I was helping Angel find a pair of new gym shoes.

A couple wanted to get through and I was blocking them. The woman, talking to my back, said, "Excuse me." I didn't hear her.

The woman rolled her eyes behind my back and exclaimed, "Some people!" I didn't hear that either.

Flare whipped around and defended me. She raised her eyebrows and said, "My mom's hard-of-hearing. Got a problem with that?"

The woman was understandably shocked and embarrassed. She walked away with her husband.

I did not know she did this.

You just never know. If you ask someone to let you through in the store and a person seemingly ignores you, that person just might be hard-of-hearing or deaf. He or she isn't doing this on purpose. It's an invisible disability.

Flare brought up another incident. I had no idea that it happened.

Apparently she told her dad about what happened at the store and he told her about the time when we were living in a duplex (upstairs).

There was a man with three sons (or was it four?) living downstairs.

I worked first shift. I always set my alarm at 4:30 a.m. That way I am up even if I didn't have to work overtime. My body stays conditioned to getting up early that way. (Now I only set it at 5:10 a.m.)

My alarm clock has a vibrator (what were you thinking!?! Get your mind out of the gutter!) that I stick between the mattresses under my pillow. It also causes my lamp to flash on and off, but that doesn't work for me. I am a heavy sleeper. I need the vibrator on. I can feel the noise. It's just that I am more sensitive to vibrations. (I know you are snickering.)

Anyway, after about a month after we moved upstairs, the man living downstairs approached my ex and says, "Your wife's alarm clock wakes up the whole house! Is she deaf or something?"

He responded, "Yes, she is."

It was never discussed again.